The First Thing

Sometimes I feel like a Pollyanna. Thankfulness has changed my life! I know now that in whatever circumstance I'm in, I can find something to thank God for. I don't always choose to do it, but I've learned that there IS something there. =)

Recently, I've thought about being thankful in an odd situation. Not an odd situation like sitting on a train station roof wearing a mustard yellow jacket, but an odd situation where I don't think I COULD praise God for anything. The situation I'm thinking about is immediately after I sin.

Right after I've made that choice, sinned against my sinless Savior, and failed again. How can I find something to thank God for in that situation? And with that sudden crushing of guilt, how can I want to be thankful? At our church's recent women's conference, Elyse Fitzpatrick said something that challenged me and actually started all my ruminating on this.

When we sin, the first thing to say is, "Thank you," then, "I have sinned."

"Thank you that even my sin reminds me of your great work - the work of your Son on the cross and also my dependency on your holiness."

This is so amazing and so revelational to me that even as I scribbled it down in my notebook, I couldn't quite get my mind around it. Now, over a month later, I'm just beginning to understand and practice it. God's grace is bigger than my sin. When I get all wrapped up in my own failure, I lose sight of Jesus' great work on my behalf. I have a desperate need for thankfulness for Jesus. His blood covers me at all times, even when I don't feel it. So now, I'm learning just to obey God despite my feelings of despair. I hope I explained this well enough and that it blesses you. Sometimes I get so caught up in the excitement of what God is teaching me that I'm not sure I explain it well.

In other news, I'm working all this weekend so I most likely won't be posting. Plus I have a lot of catching up to do in the bloggy world. I have 130 unread posts in my Google Reader. =D

Last note: I did two scary things today. First, I signed up for a five mile race on July 4th. I've run five miles before, but not recently and not an official timed run with other people. It's a bit of a terrificational thing in my life now. A good kind of terrifying, though =)

Second, I went for a quick run just now, to train and to de-stress before bed. As I rounded a corner on the rainy pavement, I saw a set of Mormon missionaries just mounting their bicycles. Something told me they were going to come and talk to me, so I talked to Jesus about it. I told Him that I was willing to talk with them and nothing they could say would change the life-changing love that He has for me. I also prayed that I might be able to say something that would stick with them and help them seek God. So Elder Steel came and biked beside me as I ran and we talked and agreed on a lot of things and finally I got home and we both prayed for each other. So sneaky. =) I was so excited to be talking about Jesus! I was also convicted and inspired. Does it sound weird to say I was inspired by a Mormon? He was persistent and determined. He was gentle in his speech and oh dear Father, teach me to be bold yet gentle witness. You have changed my life and I want to testify!

R<3

Listening to Aaron Shust - Create Again