Wakey-Wakeness

I have recently excavated myself from the center of the earth where I have been living. It's quite wonderful there, but I have to say, it's a little hard to keep track of time. I'll be honest. I've stepped away from a lot of things, like reading blogs and watching movies because it drains me from energy I don't feel that I have.

I was listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon and he was commenting that Jesus took time to step away and recharge and how we should do the same. He then began to list the kinds of people who are especially prone to burn-out. First thing he said was caregivers. I raised my hand on that one. Being a nursing assistant is purposeful, rewarding work, but it is exhausting. Then he said, "And some people just have small emotional buckets." And I was like, "You speakin' my language, Pastor Mark!" I honestly do not have a huge capacity to deal with ongoing drama and sometimes just life itself and seemingly small changes take a lot out of me.

Sometimes I want to wear a nametag that says, "Hello, I'm fragile. The end."

I will add to that  - recently people have not been my problem. Usually I am my own problem, so the nametag would be for my own benefit so I remember to take breaks and be deliberate. 

I know I'm partly coming back from the dead when I start writing poetry again. Here's one I wrote about boundaries, particularly in the thought life.

do you know the freedom in saying no?
the openness in a constrained state
the joy of a negative
the bliss of a not yet, but oh just you wait
yeah just you wait
I'm saying no
I'm staying here
it's eye on the prize
a slow and steadying race
wait wait wait... wait
take on the ruminations of my mind
and from others the oh how quaint
I'll abide in freedom
and say no


Oh and please know that just because I am not commenting on your blog like I used to doesn't mean you're not amazing! Yes I'm talking to you, Brian. Seriously, everyone go and read Brian's blog. Guy is a wicked-clever poet and deserves every single follower and comment he gets. 


R<3