Brothers, Stars and Songs

Most of my posts lately have been random collections of thoughts. Here again, three rather unrelated musings.

My little brother Joshua is coming over today! Well, he's technically not related to me, but I love every visit from this busy little guy. When I ask him whether I'm his big sister, he says I am. He's a brilliant little guy and I love that he can be part of our family every once in awhile. Props to my Mummy for making our home an open, peaceful place. I've felt so often that my home is a refuge and safe place because God abides here.


Wheeling my bike out of the garage after work yesterday, I was about to put in my earbuds, when I paused. In the quiet of the night, the reigning beauty of stars above, I felt God's presence so strongly. I didn't listen to my Ipod but prayed on the way back instead. "The Lord is good to all and his mercy is over all that he has made.*" His mercy to us is that he is Emmanuel - God with us - bending down to hear our prayers and delight in being our joy. 


Have you ever heard someone say that many modern worship songs could be turned into love songs just by switching out the name Jesus with Susie or Sally? I discovered a twist on that. The love song Everything But You by Brian McFadden is a song which with some slight changes, almost exactly echoes this verse from Mark.

For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?*

Here are some of the lyrics (I capitalized the you for demonstration purposes):


Now I've got nothing I've got nothing
If I've got everything but You
We had something that I've been missing
Since I've got everything, everything but You
Everything, everything but You

You know I got so much
Nothing's worth enough
To put a price on us


Fascinating, no? There's a longing that God places in every heart that he alone can fill. 


Here's something my brilliant sister Esther just said, "Everything's dustier when the sun is out." Think about that one.


R<3

Never Without Prayer

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This is something I've been pondering. I have issues that do not seem to be solved by continued prayer, but I can know this for sure - they will never be solved without prayer. My friend Courtney told me she had scheduled in (actually wrote it in on her calender) some extended time for prayer and that inspired me. Instead of giving up on God coming through for me, I need to go to him and ask him what he wants me to change. I can start with me. And it begins with learning to wait.

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In other news, I guest-posted about How To Write a Personal Vision Statement over at Madeline's lovely blog Flame In Darkness this morning! Go check it out!

Also, I updated my blogroll! Go look, you might be on it! :)

R<3

Listening to Switchfoot - Awakening (have seriously had this song stuck in my head for the past twenty-four hours)

I Have Another House

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Last week, a new resident moved into one of our assisted living homes. Because of her advanced dementia, she can't stay with her family any longer. Her transition has been touchy. When she's not humming along with any music she hears or coloring in her five-year-old coloring books, she sits in her chair, repeating over and over to herself, "This is not my house. This is not my house. I don't live here." Brow crinkly-anxious and thick hands angrily pounding on the chair arms, she does not understand why she's still here and her family hasn't come yet. Also, who was this frustrating girl who keeps telling me I'm supposed to be here?

Today, I worked with her a long time. When she told me this wasn't her house and she has a house, a 'red-brick house, with lots of milk and a bigger bed', I told her, "You have two houses. You're at your other one them right now. There's milk at this house too and here is your other bed." I think she understood. Gradually, she'd calm as she began saying. "I have another house. I have another house. They're coming for me."

I wonder... if being in the world, not of it, looks a little bit like that. This world is not my home, but I live here. I have another house and He's coming for me.

R<3

In Which I Find Myself Praying For Complications

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For my final project in Managerial Communications, I have to write about a situation involving conflict in my workplace. My only trouble is... I can't think of any! Yes, I have a perfect job. Don't hate it me for it. It makes my schoolwork that much harder.

So, ridiculously enough, I've found myself praying that some conflict would happen so I'll have something dynamic to write about. Banking on two things here, this verse - "In all things... let your requests be made known to God." and God's ability to give me exactly what I need, even when I pray for silly things. :D

Changing directions... have you ever heard someone say, "The joy of the Lord is my strength!" and it didn't make sense to you? Okay, so God is joyful but I am sad and tired and I still have work to do.

Let me explain what I think it means. God's joy is the most powerful force in the universe. It's like a raging whirlwind of power, of majesty and awe. When we get a glimpse of it, we will be caught up it, torn away from our own preoccupation, tearing up on billowing wonder to a height where we can get a true perspective on life.

In my recent resolution to let my Dreamer breathe, I finished a short story. This bit is about an encounter with God. It describes what I'm trying to say about our need to be part of the Joy that is God.

The stars, oh the stars - his soul was bursting, shooting, exploding from a deep place, a raging oil spill now set aflame. It grew the distance between the elusiveness of light above and his dried-up mind couldn't gulp wonder faster, pouring the swallows down onto a dehydrated soul. It was more than waking up; it was being born again, sweaty and slimy from the darkness, tumbling forward into a bath of ivory awe.

That's the goal - seeing our joyful God equals awe which empowers surrender and service. But what if I'm not there? What if I have no amazement of God? Am I cut off from God's joy being my strength?

This morning, I most definitely was not feeling it. I had a lot of school. I wasn't happy, or content. I wasn't joyful in the least. I could only manage a sort of broken squeak to God. Father, please help me. I'm not there.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchman wait for the dawn. ...hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love and with him is plentiful redemption. Psalm 130:5-7

In his book when I Don't Desire God, John Piper says, "If your emotions are wrong, repent and ask God to change them!" (paraphrased) Ask God for eyes to see his joy and if you have to wait, wait. Wait in hope. Pray for the joy of the Lord to be your strength even when you don't feel it.

R<3

Not A Drive-By Healer

Jesus is not a minute-clinic doctor. He's not a drive-by healer. I'm not saying He can't work quickly and I'm most definitely not ruling out miracles, but He, the Author and Keeper of time, likes to use it to teach us dependence.

Most recovery and actual changes take a long time. We have to have God's strength to keep coming back to wait on him. Does that sound like circular reasoning? The reasoning is God's strength. We can't do anything on our own and what's more, we weren't made to handle this struggles of life on our own either.

We don’t like to wait and when we think of waiting we are apt to respond with the pun, “Wait? That’s what made the bridge collapse!” Of course, that’s weight, not wait. But then these two words, weight and wait are not always unrelated because one of our needs in waiting on the Lord is the need to cast the weighty burdens of life on Him.

-Mark Wheeler

For a very thorough helpful article on this, read here. I'm not good at waiting. Sometimes I think I am and sometimes I'm better at it than other times. Lately, I've failed pretty miserably. But I'm keeping on... and I know I'm in a better place because I've realized that Jesus is the only solution for my brokenness. Beth Moore would say, "Sometimes it's more important to get to know your Healer than it is to get healed."

R<3

Listening to Relient K - Forward Motion

412 my sister Esther tucking me in at night

413 late night talks with Joseph

414 buying a bible for a soldier in the navy

415 happy family noise from the diningroom above me

416 creamy earl gray tea

417 shampoo

418 the hopefulness of early morning sunshine

419 lily of the valley for my residents tucked in a pocket of my backpack as I bike to work

420 a cool breeze on a sweaty back

421 not hearing what people yell at me from their cars when I'm biking

422 sister dates

423 that He is able to make me who He wants me to be

424 the little nods runners give as they pass each other

425 warm downs after exercising

426 P90X

427 Ryan Kelly's voice

428 being able to choose gratitude

429 cleaning to techno music

430 Techno-Logic

431 my friend Adrienne and her taste in music

432 curly chimney smoke on a gray morning

433 spilling only half a glass of OJ

434 knee wraps

Clouds Parting

The sky was awaiting a tornado, a gray-blue waiting. I rode my bike no hands in the mugginess just because I could.

Before me, a window of clouds had parted, making an actual doorway through to the true-blue of the sky, with sunshine just around the corner lighting up the edges. Like heaven was waiting just behind that red-tinged doorway of clouds.

I wondered how people could be driving calmly in their cars and not stopping to stare. I biked faster, wishing I could fly or that it would descend. Everything would make sense there and I'd see the face of God.

The clouds moved closer, the gap closing. I felt a tangible sense of loss when the sunlight eased away and tiny raindrops dashed the ground around me. Quiet lightning flashed purple.

Then the sky parted again and a single beam of light angled down. This is what it's like while I'm still planted on this solid ground. I cannot see the face of God, but I can see His hand in everything. I see Him, but not yet His face. Oh, I can't wait for that day when the clouds part for good and He comes down.

R<3

Chocolate Cake For Breakfast

I had a ridiculously good day, full of sunshine and joy and just pure delight in so many ways. I have to share or imma gonna bust!

First off, I had chocolate cake for breakfast. Yes, I did. Happy Bday, Mum! After breakfast, I promptly took an hour long nap and it was so restful. I got up and worked on math for a bit, then hopped on my bike for a 14 mile ride in the brisk and crazy strong wind and amazing sunshine. Whilst passing a farmhouse, I smelled woodsmoke and as y'all know, woodsmoke is my favorite smell. When I got home, my arms, legs and stomach were bright pink from the cold and I felt a little like an alien. I filled a mason jar with chai tea and proceeded to paint my toenails a custom shade I call Raspberry. Hello winter toes, this is sunlight. Sunlight, these are my winter toes.

Andrew was on the computer next to me, playing solitaire. He was leaving on a retreat in a couple hours and I asked him if he was excited. He said,

"I don't usually show my excitement outwardly; I just burble inwardly."

That guy cracks me up like an egg! Sitting down, I did more math and listen to Tenth Avenue North.

After more math (which I was doing halfway successfully, woot!), I biked to Walmart with Babs, which was great fun. We got gum and toothpaste and almost got run down by a car turning to the wrong lane. You know that white-colored ice that has air underneath it and when you run over it, it sounds like breaking glass? The way our temperatures have been created a lot of that ice and on our way home, we crunched a ton of it. That is one of my favorite things to do. Then I skidded out, but no biggie. It's part of being alive, right?

Now, I'm home again, making peppermint tea and eating little bits of caramel popcorn made with real butter, reading the sixth installment of Alyssa's love story and listening to music. Seriously, is it okay how much I love Hillsong Kids? I wanna marry the lead singer, that asian dude in the green. How can he not be out of breath by the end of that song? And how can he smile so much?

I'll admit that something deep inside me wants to be a part of Hillsong Kids... and not just the chance of meeting him! Haha, I really love how they want kids to really join in and worship and how they integrate profoundly biblical truths and totally catchy tunes.

I can't remember the last time I had such a great day and I think part of the reason is because God is giving grace in abundance and rewarding my (imperfect) waiting on him. For the past half a year or so, I've been struggling with some hard things and I believe God let me reach a breaking point where a lot of things finally make sense. He's freed me! I'm so thankful and so, so blessed. This is a moment of sunlight, literally and spiritually and I'm savoring the rays so I'll remember this time when life isn't so easy.

R<3

Making Fireworks

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Sometimes, life is overwhelming, relentless and all about us. We get so wrapped up in our own pain and the demands of our lives that we completely lose the big picture of God and his kingdom. We cast our thoughts to God, not really believing he hears and not seeing him in our situations. We bottle up, fold up and try to solve issues with nothing more than the sheer force of our brain power. We wonder why God doesn't change things.

I was reading John. Two men following John heard him call Jesus the Lamb of God. That title and John's obvious devotion sparked their interest. They start to follow Jesus. He turns and says to them, "What are you seeking?" They ask, "Rabbi, where are you staying?" Then he says something so profound. "Come and you will see."

Come and you will see.

Do you think God is not showing us his heart because we are not seeking it? If the disciples had not come with him, they would've missed out on being part of the greatest venture on earth. We can watch God's work from afar, like watching a show of fireworks while sitting on the grass. Or we run out and ask him to let us help make fireworks.

When we step out, offering ourselves for his work and asking to be part of his mind-dazzling plan, we will experience his faithfulness, see his fresh fingerprints on our minds and feel the iron-clad security of his love for us in our insecurity. That is beautiful; that is coming to him.

I wrote this post because of a conversation with a dear friend of mine in an attempt to encourage and challenge her. I hope this encourages you as well to stand away from all the flurries of life and to come to God. Sacrifice something you know is holding you back. Deliberately take an extra fifteen minutes to pray. Serve someone even when you feel depleted and empty. Come. Show him you're seeking his heart. And oh, you will see. You will know.

R<3

Listening to Bebo Norman - Sing Over Me

(Imperfect prose at canvaschild.blogspot.com)