In Which I Find Myself Praying For Complications

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For my final project in Managerial Communications, I have to write about a situation involving conflict in my workplace. My only trouble is... I can't think of any! Yes, I have a perfect job. Don't hate it me for it. It makes my schoolwork that much harder.

So, ridiculously enough, I've found myself praying that some conflict would happen so I'll have something dynamic to write about. Banking on two things here, this verse - "In all things... let your requests be made known to God." and God's ability to give me exactly what I need, even when I pray for silly things. :D

Changing directions... have you ever heard someone say, "The joy of the Lord is my strength!" and it didn't make sense to you? Okay, so God is joyful but I am sad and tired and I still have work to do.

Let me explain what I think it means. God's joy is the most powerful force in the universe. It's like a raging whirlwind of power, of majesty and awe. When we get a glimpse of it, we will be caught up it, torn away from our own preoccupation, tearing up on billowing wonder to a height where we can get a true perspective on life.

In my recent resolution to let my Dreamer breathe, I finished a short story. This bit is about an encounter with God. It describes what I'm trying to say about our need to be part of the Joy that is God.

The stars, oh the stars - his soul was bursting, shooting, exploding from a deep place, a raging oil spill now set aflame. It grew the distance between the elusiveness of light above and his dried-up mind couldn't gulp wonder faster, pouring the swallows down onto a dehydrated soul. It was more than waking up; it was being born again, sweaty and slimy from the darkness, tumbling forward into a bath of ivory awe.

That's the goal - seeing our joyful God equals awe which empowers surrender and service. But what if I'm not there? What if I have no amazement of God? Am I cut off from God's joy being my strength?

This morning, I most definitely was not feeling it. I had a lot of school. I wasn't happy, or content. I wasn't joyful in the least. I could only manage a sort of broken squeak to God. Father, please help me. I'm not there.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in his word I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchman wait for the dawn. ...hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love and with him is plentiful redemption. Psalm 130:5-7

In his book when I Don't Desire God, John Piper says, "If your emotions are wrong, repent and ask God to change them!" (paraphrased) Ask God for eyes to see his joy and if you have to wait, wait. Wait in hope. Pray for the joy of the Lord to be your strength even when you don't feel it.

R<3

Matters Of The Art

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As I said in my last post, I struggle to express myself creatively sometimes. Part of that is because I fold in on myself, focusing so much on having to write something brilliant, that I paralyze myself with fear. (Two articles that totally inspire me to artistic endeavors are here and here.) That being said, I find that in my most honest moments with God, I find my voice creatively and I like most the things I just say to God.

gasping struggle

pen on page

just tell me who I am

I know I've heard the words

so often before

but say them slow

and soft again for me

because I like the way

Your voice is tender on my soul

I like Your fortitude

in my wobbling

I like the way this peace

hides me like a curtain

in a place of honesty and rest

a place for God and sinner

Short post tonight, but I hope every artist who reads this takes hope. Your art matters. Even if your book doesn't become a best-seller or your pictures don't make it into a magazine, you can and will affect someone.

R<3

Listening to Keith Green - Make My Life A Prayer To You

Tell Me You're The Cure

Right now, I feel stuck standing on a tightrope between what I'm doing and what I want to do. I'm stuck there because I can feel myself wanting to be writing my testimony or making homemade pretzels and I'm sitting here at the kitchen table struggling over math. And when I say struggling, I mean, agonizing and talking myself out of it and then back into it several times an hour. By all accounts, it seems to be going nowhere. So, here I am. Not doing the things I want to be doing, but not really getting done the things that need to be done, even though I'm trying.

Some help, anyone? I think I just want to give up. I'm doing the responsible thing, but this is no fun. My life is being eaten up by stuff that makes me feel stupid. This is no way to live! Still, I remind myself that God created math and he has some greater purpose for my life and personality in having me go through this. I will make it through. I will, I will.

R<3

Listening to Everyday Sunday - Tell Me You'll Be There

Abysmal First Draft

I did something I've been wanting to do for about a week now. I ditched my math and went to a bagel shop to write. So far, so good. Moroccan Mint tea and Last.fm have been keeping me company. Now I've just to concentrate and finish this scene. Here's an excerpt of a bit of what I'm writing now.

Music has a way of making your soul take to the air, pulling it up on shafts of melodies, floating it on a the updraft of a rift and soaring nearly motionless above the morning-sunshine crags of glory.

I'm giving myself full permission to write an abysmal first draft. It seems I need to coax the words out, but once they've all come, I'll begin to whale on them. It will all come in time. Oh and I've been wanting to mention that everyone should check out my updated blogroll! I've added a bunch of amazing blogs and you'll definitely want to check them out.

R<3

Listening to Phil Wickham - Hold On

247 five more minutes under warm covers

248 grace for today and bright hope for tomorrow

249 hot vanilla chai on yet another frosty morning

250 that we don't love others to get adopted into God's family, but that we love because we're adopted

251 goals

252 exhaustion that brings me to God for strength

253 the belt of truth

254 welcoming someone new to bible study

255 sitting next to my youngest sister during family worship

256 new books from the library

257 going to Dunn Bros. with my brother

Googling Inspiration

My inner self is so confused as to what to write. I'm full of questions and answers and I'm a little too exhausted to think about anything right now. I keep wishing for some inspiration (I even googled it and now I'm looking at mirrored couches, brick armchairs, purple Moroccan themed bathrooms and red Chinese themed bedrooms), but apparently, I've talked a little too much lately, or I'm just not hitting on anything brilliant. Have you ever talked to someone and you could just hear yourself going in circles topically? I feel like that today. I've said absolutely squat original and I intend to send you somewhere else so you can read nice things.

~Here, I'll send you to this interview from 2008 where Sarah from Short Stop interviewed my favorite author Shauna Niequist. I was so surprised and thrilled to see that connection of two awesome people.

~Secondly, I'll send you to Bethany's blog. We share an affinity because of our currently similar toenail color.

~Third, I'd ask you to pray for my grandma. She's been in and out of the hospital with high blood pressure and low oxygen intake. She seems to be doing better, but it's slow-going.

~Fourth and lastly, I present you this lovely poem. No, no frogs are singing tonight, but we wait with hope for when they'll at last clamber from beneath the snow and mud and once again awe us with their awkward beauty.

R<3

Listening to Julian Smith - I'm Reading A Book

230 mega pictionary

231 washing my face

232 windshield wipers

233 sunny sundays

234 dishsoap

235 Nashville

236 The Safest Ledge

237 helicopter views

238 Pastor John coming back

239 strawberry conditioner

240 robot dancing

241 tea with my oldest brothers

242 super small children in puffy snow suits

243 Daddio having a steady job

244 car shopping

245 free concert at the mall

246 electricity

Haopppppy Biorthday to the Blog!

Exactly two years ago, I wrote my first post on this blog. I've grown and changed so much since then and I've loved the journey. I've had so much fun in the blogging world! I would like to thank two particular people for being so awesome. Gina, for always commenting and being so encouraging. I love you! Vicki, for helping me pick the name for my blog and being such an understanding and generally astoundingly inspiring person. I love you too!

Furthermore, because of Gina's post, I joined 750words.com, which I hiiiiiiiiiighly recommend. It's this ridiculously cool and inspiring website. I joined the challenge for February to write 750 every single day. We'll see how that goes. ^_^

Take time to notice God in every moment. He's there.

R<3

Listening to Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River

179 breakfast with Jak, Esther and Babs

180 God being the God of endurance and encouragement

181 fresh hot baquette with butter

182 grapefruit patterned frost on the windshield

183 the baby in the row ahead of me in church

184 being able to challenge and encourage my friends with truth

185 the snow clearing crews

186 mounds of fresh, drifting snow

187 the draft box for text messages

188 my brother's cologne