Feeling Wistful

I have an almost diagnosable case of wistfulness tonight. It's so strong I can feel it physically in my chest. I long for places and times, memories and dreams, people and life.

Tonight, I miss Ireland. Do you hear all the songs that Irish people sing? So many are about them missing their country and wishing to be back. Despite the dreary weather and glut of potato dishes, there's something about that land that seeps into your heart and creeps up into your soul. It's the beauty and loneliness, the struggle and serenity that calls to me tonight.

Tonight I miss friends. I miss getting glimpses of each other's hearts and feeling safe and loved. I miss the closeness two souls find despite miles and differences. I miss my sister Jak most.

Tonight I miss the places I will find. I miss not filling the calling of being a wife right now; I miss not being a mom yet. I feel a longing to begin and to be there, even right now. How do I begin to describe what it is to miss what isn't even mine?

All this reminds me of my soul's deepest pining. Not just Ireland, I long for a place of perfection, of indescribable beauty, a place free of struggle. More than the closeness of friends, I long for intimacy of seeing a greater Friend face-to-face. Stronger than my desire to be a wife and mother is my longing to become a whole-hearted worshiper, free from sin.

Tonight, I'm reminded that what I want most is to see and be with my own dear Jesus. For he is my Home, Friend and Fullness.