Saturday, November 14, 2009

Is It Okay?

(written last night)
God, is it okay that I'm not okay right now?
Is it okay that I had a really rough day and didn't trust you the entire time?

I hope it's okay.

I know you're holding onto me. I feel your steadiness all around me - you hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand on me.

It's just that I'm just such a mess - I feel like I've been turned inside out and all over the place. I've spent all day long helping people and now that I'm not working, all the emotional stuff I've been hiding is bubbling up. I cried on the way home from work, and cried again while mum was making me tea.

Thanks for tea, God. It seems to make life a whole notch easier to deal with, somehow.

The funny thing is, I'm not really sure what it is that's upsetting me. Maybe it's that one customer asked me out. Maybe it's that I was really upset with my hair today. Maybe it's that I'm just really really tired and need to go to bed.

I think that might be it, Father. I think I'd better go to bed.
Is it okay that I'm not okay right now?

I hope it is.



  1. *hug*
    God's strength is made perfect in weakness. And better to cry than not, if that's how you feel.

  2. Oh Ruth. I love you and I've felt that same way so many times, over and over. Keep pressing on and looking to Jesus! He loves you more than I ever could. :) call me if you EVER just need to talk or cry, kay? <3

  3. *hug*

    that sounds rather inadequate.

    *massive bear hug*

  4. you need to start calling/texting/emailing talking face to face 10x more love