Sunday, December 19, 2010

Pray To Live

Sometimes, I feel like I know exactly where I'm going. I even have a timetable. Sometimes, I think I'm ready to get married. Sometimes, I'm happy, confident and full of direction. Sometimes, I think I'm a terrific friend, one there when needed, ready to listen and then encourage with a well-placed bible verse.

Then there's times like this. When sometimes, I think my life has little purpose. Sometimes I can't believe that I've ever done something on time. Sometimes, I think I'll never get married. Sometimes, the world seems dark and stuck on repeat. Sometimes, I don't believe I've ever been a friend worth having.

And these times seem to dance longer, hang heavier and drag me down. I'll never, never escape to sunlight again. Even if I do manage to get up top and snatch a breath of air, these times tell me it'll only be that. A breathe and then a plunge, back to where I am.

God is the maker of these times. God is sovereign. I don't want to plunge, to drop sharply and drink deeply of the black cup of discouragement. I don't want to ride the wave of emotionalism, to wet my hair in the swell of temptation. God is the maker of these times.

God is sovereign.

I'm going to wait, climb up out and wait on him. I want to hold on tight and become a girl that brings him glory. I want to be a warrior, who gets bloody in the fight of life, fighting for what's right. I will pray, pray, pray for his strength to live, live, live for him alone. I'm going to be okay with not knowing how my life will be, with not hearing affirmation from people. I'm going to listen for his voice and know that he is with me. God is with me. I'm better than okay.


Listening to Brooke Fraser - Something In The Water


  1. Ruthiey <3
    remember the rollercoaster, and the ground underneath the rollercoaster. It's sound, and that's where your happiness is, because it's God, and God is sound, and doesn't change with temptations and stupids.

  2. Man, I love you so much. You're so encouraging, even when you're in pain.

    And I completely understand. I go between the two feelings (very rapidly, it seems recently--but it's probably because I'm not doing good and I'm tricking myself that I'm fine) and then try to force myself to be fine because I feel like I'm a burden. You are very encouraging to me. You got me to start reading my Bible daily (and I've done it for a few days now =)), and I'm so, so grateful to you for that, because it's something I've never been able to do on my own. Also, if you want some encouragement or just to get out the doubt/pain/whatever, please email me (or call me, whatever). I'd love to listen and try to help.