Pause for a moment and remember that God is with you. Seriously. Close your eyes and remember that he is right there in the room with you and his constant love has not abated for a minute. It didn't even blip when you made your stupid mistakes. The main thing is not reconciling your view of yourself, but understanding God and his view of you. He loves you.
If you care to top that thought, remember that he planned every situation and event in your life. Maybe you can't see how your failure could be worked for good, but remember, 'our good' is becoming more like Jesus. Plus, maybe your failure in other people's lives is teaching them to rely more on Jesus. I know that people's 'failures' to me made me go to God and rely on him.
I'm feeling very much where you are. God doesn't necessarily design our lives to be happy and funny. Explosions are common. You can't control your life or 'be a good enough Christian' so they don't. Trust God with where you are.
Love you! Be well. I'm praying.